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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

News from Home

I come from a big family. At least that's what Michael says. Eventhough I only have 3 brothers (2 older and 1 younger) but both my older brothers (Fahrin & Nizam) have 4 kids (7 girls/1boy) and my younger brother (Rizal) has a triplet (2boys/1girl) and the wife is due with the fourth one (most likely a boy) sometime next month. I think wht makes me have a big family is because of the extended ones, aunties, uncles, counsins and their children. So basically I do have a big family and Im close to almost all of them. ;)

2 weeks ago I sent a couple of dolls to my eldest brother's kids and after making sure that they have received them, I decided to give my sis-in-law (Siti) in Kuantan a call. It was good to hear fr my nieces, my aunt (who happens to be there too) and her. After talking for a while, she mentioned that she spoke to my dad earlier in the day. And the news is not good. Besides high blood pressure, my dad broke his spine when he fell while avoiding a motorcyclist in 2005. Even after the surgery his back never really healed. He now can only walk a short distance and even then he has to use a cane. Then, last raya, he got a minor stroke after accidentally eating dodol durian. (he didn kno it has durian in it). Siti said his speech has deteriorate and its getting harder to understand him. He is also getting forgetful.

That is just the kind of news thats hard to hear when you, as the child, are living abroad, far away from home. On top of that, Rizal who is with TUDM is being transferred to Kuching end of this month. Rizal and I have always lived with our parents and after I moved to the US, he and his wife, Fara have been looking after our parents. Now that they're moving to Kuching, Im worried about my mom and dad. Eventhough my mom is, alhamdulillah, healthy, she's not young anymore. With my dad being ill and frail, looking after him is no easy task.

I feel guilty. I feel like iv failed in my task in being a good daughter. After I finished school, I promise myself that Im going to look after my parents when they retire. But Allah has another plan for me and here i am in the US, away from home and my parents. Its not any easier either when all my moms side of the family are in Kuching and my dad's in JB except for 1 aunt (Ende Li) who lives in Kajang. All my aunts, uncles and cousins fr JB visit them often but Ende Li and family, being the closest, always came over. Even Fahrin and family from Kuantan often visit especially after the arrival of the triplet. ;)

There's nothing that I want more now than to be able to go home.


Ms J said...

oh! big hug to you. I empathise with you - every thing is magnified 3fold when we are not there in person to oversee our loved ones. But know i oyur heart that your parents want YOU to be happy too and if oyur hapoiness lies thousands of miles away from home, then its meant to be. We can still 'look after' our parents from afar - though not in body at least in our thoughts, mind and spirit. I am dreading the day I get a call with news like yours - and i know i will feel exactly as helpless as you. Feel free ot ring me if you need to talk ok?
big hug to you

PrincessJournals said...

tq for ur kind words and the big hug msj. :) feeling and being helpless really sucks.

J.T. said...

My heart goes out to you, Princess. I know what it feels like to be so far away and not able to be there in a parent's time of need.

So many times I wished I could have just gone home and seen to mum myself but she told me not to because I have a husband to take care of. I was really caught in between. Very helpless.

MsJ is right. Your parents want you to be happy too. I bet they appreciate every phone call from you. They know you care. They will feel your love from thousands of miles away.

Lady Patsy said...

Hi Princess,

Sorry to hear about your dad. I can only guess how difficult it must be for you being so far away but there is only so much one can do in situations like this.
Rest assured that your parents know how much you love them and I'm sure they are certainly proud of you.
Hang in there girl.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear about your dad.

I understand that it must be difficult feeling the way you do especially because you (as you wrote) have always wanted to take care of your parents.

May be (who knows kan?) the Hubby can find suitable employment in Msia? I can imagine that would make you happy no?

I wish you well.


PrincessJournals said...

JT, my mom is like urs. she never ask me to go home. she'd rather me be with and jaga hubby.

LP, thank u for ur kind words. i kno they love me and vice versa tho we hardly say the word. :)

Nina, unfortunately the kind of work tht hubby does, dont pay tht much in msia. sbb tulah i kena sacrifice and come here. kalau dpt duduk kat msia memang happy i! ;)

Anonymous said... ur org kuching lah, pasti pandei kitak cakap sarawak kan... mun emak kitak org kuching.... btw, nice blog!!

Salt N Turmeric said...

Hi Anon, well im kinda orang sarawak. My mom is. Kamek tok boleh lah kelakar sarawak dikit2. ;)